Evocative Process and Product!

Process:

It's been years since I've been asked to write an evocative piece, so at first it was hard for me to pick a topic. I usually lean toward writing quirky narratives and I had a few ideas, but I wanted to deviate from the narrative form for this assignment. Once I settled on writing a letter to my cousin, the words initially came quickly, but because I felt a little nervous writing down some of my reflections, I came to class two weeks ago with a very rough draft.

After meeting and sharing my writing with a small group, I decided to revise my work to incorporate more snapshots of my cousin as I remember him. When I completed the first draft, the only audience I was thinking of was my cousin (the letter is addressed to him after all). Dr. Turner and Alessia helped me realize that in order to speak to a larger audience, I was going to have to support some of my musings with memories.

I'm still deciding whether or not I will actually send this letter (or an edited version).


Product:

Dear Johnny,

This letter is difficult to start. I’m not sure what life is like for you now or if anyone else in the family is taking the time to write you. If I’m the first to actually send you a letter, I think it’s important for you to know that everyone thinks about you all of the time. Whenever there’s a family gathering, everyone mentions how much they miss you and how sad this entire experience has been for the family. I’m sure that many have sat down and struggled to put their thoughts to paper, but since I’m the English major of the family, I guess I have the best shot. I do want to let you know that even if this is the first letter- that does not mean you are forgotten. We worry about you all of the time. No one hates you. We all hope you are hanging in there.

Speaking of there, I know it’s awkward to write something casual like, “How are you?” because I can imagine that the answer is far from positive. I also can’t help but wonder, “What’s jail like?” Can I ask that or is it too informal to capture the distance between us? I don’t want to be careless with language here, and I want you to be aware of the fact that although I don’t know what you need to hear, I’m trying my best to support you.

As one of your first cousins in a close-knit family, it was nearly impossible for me to believe that you hurt someone that you cared about so much. I’m not sure what kind of stress you were under when you decided that the best way to communicate your inner turmoil was to violently attack the girl you were staying with in Texas. I didn’t know her, and I’m not sure if she was unkind to you. I can only imagine that she must have broken your heart in the worst possible way. But, even with this image in mind, I can’t quite believe that you felt the only way to solve the problem was to stab her. You’ve always been a gentle and funny kid. I remember the speech you gave at your graduation party. It was so silly and honest. I can see you standing in front of the crowd in a collared shirt and slacks balancing your cue cards and the microphone. Remember when you decided to go off the script to thank your parents and you just threw the cue cards in the air? That was hysterical. When I reflect on that day, I can’t fathom the desperate turn of events that landed you in jail.

Was it the fact that you never had a chance to move out of the house? Did it feel like moving to Texas with this girl was your one way to be a man? Was it because your mom acted a little too protective of you? You were her baby and when you were diagnosed with epilepsy she definitely tried to keep you home and out of harm’s way. I know it was frustrating that she didn’t let you drive for two years after the diagnosis. When was that concert you begged her to drop you off at, but she said it was too dangerous for you to go? I think it was after your senior year of high school. I know that was hard, but she was trying to help you. Was it because this girl was your first serious girlfriend? I know that when you lose your first love it’s hard to imagine that you can ever feel loved again. When my high school boyfriend broke up with me, I didn’t think anyone would ever like me again, but it really does get better. Was it her rejection what made you so hopeless?

I want to know, John. Everyone does. We are all wondering how we can help you and in order to do that, it would help us if you could offer a small glimpse into what you were feeling then and how you feel now. It’s hard for me to imagine that the cousin I remember having movie nights with is completely gone. Even after digesting the fact that you are serving time, I’m still hoping that we can move through this episode as gracefully as possible and that one day the family will get you back and be whole again. Please don’t give up on yourself again, John. We haven’t given up on you.

Love,
Michelle